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Witze, Jokes und Lachnummern

Internet-Protokol-Witze - Teil 2

Und weiter gehts…:

@pletterpet Best #protolol joke I have heard: An IPv4 address walks into a bar and says: “Quick, give me a drink. I am exhausted!”
@letharion The problem with Drupal jokes is that there are 10000 to choose from, and only a few are funny, but you don’t know which ones
@RichGibson: The problem with PtP jokes is that everyone has to decide how much to laugh themselves.
@fpletz: The bad thing about Haskell jokes is that let understood = map (isJust . understand) $ repeat joke in or understood == False
@gveloper: I’m working on a bittorrent joke, but I only have about 30% and nobody’s seeding!
@quinnweaver: The great thing about a SIGKILL joke is, there’s no way you can’t get it (there’s no ignoring it).
@quinnweaver: Thus bad thing about SQL injection jokes is when people take them literally.
@quinnweaver: The bad thing about an embedded systems joke is, if you tell it wrong, you’re done. You’ll never get a chance to re-tell it.
@kroosec: The bad thing about IPv6 jokes is that nobody wants to tell them first.
@thecoolroomie The best part about these #protolol jokes is that you want to hear as many as you can once you get the first one. :P
@peter_tonoli Chuck Norris has only one OSI layer - Physical
@peter_tonoli I tried to tell a rlogin joke, but no one listens any more
@lensassaman: The good thing about Twitter jokes is they’re so short. (ht/@maradydd) #meta
@dcept905 The worst thing about #protolol jokes is the ridiculous TTL :P
@mikesherov #protolol TheGoodThingAboutDomainNameJokesISThatAllTheGoodShortOnesHaveBeenTold.com unless you’re being creati.ve
@AVGP Chuck Norris doesn’t do #tcp handshake - he does #tcp roundhouse-kick to initiate the connection.
@mikesherov #protolol The best thing about Linux command line jokes is that they’re easier to understand if you use a pipe.
@chucksparrow The bad thing about RTS jokes is, you must first get ready to get them told
@Nero_Impala DHCP jokes are leased
@dummybert the bad thing about KERBEROS jokes is: You can’t understand them if your clock is wrong.
@kaiengert The Problem with SSL jokes is that you must get someone else to vouch for you before you can tell the joke.
@kbh01 the problem with UDP jokes: I don’t get half of them
@Nero_Impala OSI Layer-8 jokes are infinite.
@krnlde One great thing about XSD jokes is that you’ll get a warning for every inappropriate content.
@dummybert SSH 1.33 and/or 1.5 protocol jokes are useless.
@metaphox the best GFW jokes are inaccessible from China.
@mattbing Nobody likes a Debian SSH joke. Everyone can guess the punchline.
@d3rp3t3r the good thing about bitcoin jokes is you can mine them yourself
@murphy_karasu At least Ruby jokes have class.
@FloMaetschke The bad thing about mono jokes is you know them ahead of time
@geomblog: The best thing about NP jokes is that you can assume they exist; someone else decides if they’re funny
@quinnweaver: The best thing about symmetric cryptography jokes is, um. it’s a secret.
@gunfood The problem with SMTP jokes are, you need some good reason to came back after greylisting and tell them again.
@JustinZaneBurns The problem with a SQL security joke is that Sony don’t get it.
@kniepbert The good thing about Infiniband jokes is that the receiver __will__ get ‘em
@dildog: What’s up with the jokes… Give it a REST, guys…
@longstag “Time to laugh exceeded!!!” #TTL
@rainynight65 A SQL Query walks into a bar, approaches two tables and asks ‘Can I join you?’
@bondingHamburg The problem with Miranda jokes is that they are too lazy. And that they cannot unify num.>num with num. http://miranda.org.uk
@neuntoeter The bad thing about Kerberos jokes is that I can’t tell them to you because I don’t trust you and I don’t know your name!
@thornmaker Someone sent me 3K Fortify jokes the other day. I read through every last one of them and only 1 of them was funny.
@krnlde One big problem with Bittorrent jokes is, everybody just leeches. When they got them they stop seeding immediately.
@data_cop the best thing about DNSSEC jokes is that you can check if they were told wrong
@sgoguen A good SOAP joke should be clean so it’s acceptable for all protocols.
@data_cop the best thing about DNSSEC is that - oh look a Dan Kaminsky appeared!
@bonsaiviking I heard a great one about IPSEC, but you wouldn’t get it — it’s an inside joke.
@rpl The problem with pdf jokes is, Please enter the password to copy the punchline.
@stephennaicken I’d love to tell you a publish/subscribe joke, but you need to tell me what it’s about or some part of it, so that you can get it.
@bonsaiviking I’d tell you the one about the CIDR block, but you’re too classy.
@svindlerdk snmp walks intoabar and gets unknown object identifier
@chrissistrunk Is “smoke signal” a routable protocol?
@gcouprie the best thing about ECB jokes is that you don’t need to hear the beginning to understand the whole joke
@svindlerdk I’d like to tell you the full joke about a BGP table but I don’t think you can remember it all
@svindlerdk Give me some SLAAC, I’m just trying to prepare for #WorldIPv6Day #protolol #IPv6
@neuntoeter rsync warning: some jokes vanished before they could be transferred (code 24)
@Venty IHAVE
@Venty The problem with greylisting jokes is, that you always have to tell them twice.
@AdmVonSchneider: The sad thing about Kerberos jokes is that you first have to buy a ticket to join the laughter
@Venty The best thing about XMPP jokes is that you can tell when they’re available.
@TheTinyToon I like ARP-Jokes, because it’s so easy to make them appear to originate from other persons.
@IT4n6 ok.. just one more nerd joke: “George Bush only knows one #OSI Layer - 8″ #protolol #myownidea
@focalintent The best thing about 404 jokes is… wait, damnit, it’s around here somewhere. (Hey look, there’s a 302 joke over there!)
@cgommel Unfortunately you need MIB files to understand the best SNMP jokes.
@rubysolo: The problem UDP jokes
@speedyop The problem with facebook jokes is that you need to register to see them
@TheTinyToon Huntingtons clash of civilizations should be solved by computer scientists. Just RFC all those social protocols.
@AndyMcGeeDE You need to tell a authorized POP3 joke before you can have a SMTP laugh.
@TheTinyToon In high society, TCP is more welcome than UDP. At least it knows a proper handshake.
@JastrzebskiJ The thing about XSS jokes is telling them in the right context.
@_Vincent The good thing about recursive jokes is the good thing about recursive jokes.
@nzJayZee: The problem with CSS jokes is that everyone understands them differently
@itpastorn So functional jokes don’t follow procedure?
@chiussi: The best thing about Twitter API jokes is that you can only make 100 of them per hour
@jsgf The worst thing about IPSEC jokes is that nobody knows if you’ve told the whole thing properly.
@itpastorn The best thing about declarative jokes is that you only have to prescribe laughter, no need to actually tell the joke.
@sevildevil1990 The problem with long polling jokes: They take forever… until you lose interest.
@kelko: The worst thing about recursive jokes is, that, when malformed, they never end
@itpastorn The best thing about an XHR joke is that you only need to retrieve it in part.
@olafhartig The problem with NoSQL jokes: It’s not clear in what language to tell them
@mpmselenic Take my wifi… please!
@fredowsley I was going to use my web server to tell this joke, but I don’t think you would GET it.
@nuddlegg the problem with #protolol jokes is you either make up a brilliant one or a total idiot out of yourself
@wesmorgan1 Too many SMTP jokes push the envelope of good taste…
@TimelessP The best thing about CUPS jokes is that no matter how old it gets it keeps being updated.
@roguetexan The thing about CSRF jokes is getting someone else to tell it for you.
@assaron @Bladel You misspelled. Correct version: the best thing about tautology jokes is the best thing about tautology jokes.
@ayourtch I tried to tell a #protolol joke but it was too long for my family - they stopped listening after the first quarter of it.
@jumper_tdv The problem with Tor jokes is that the first two recipients never understand it.
@ulakarzelek Worst thing about pike jokes is they are indexing the NULL value with “laugh”
@ulakarzelek The worst part with R jokes is that you cannot find them via google
@aakashhdesai The best thing about RIP jokes is that they’re funny 15 more times.
@philrem arrival order packet joke is critical to good a make
@mydalon The good thing about object oriented jokes is they bring their own laughter method.
@shaver The best part about IPv6 jokes is that you don’t have to make up the punchline for 15 years.
@nuddlegg the best thing about #solr jokes is that they are mostly made up by stopwords
@mydalon The good thing about failover jokes is that if you stop telling them someone else will continue.
@crowder A lot of people seem to be violating #protolol by failing to adhere to the “proto” part of the spec.
@jsgf The thing about ISO/OSI jokes is that they’re palendromes. That’s the best you can say about them.
@JimPurbrick The best thing about Google Wave jokes is that you can always open source them and hope someone else makes them funny
@inidreamtheater The bad thing about smtp is everyone can visit Homee
@kroosec The good thing about Apple jokes is that everyone think they are new, funny and awesome, even if you just stole them.
@Clechuck #protolol The bad thing with jokes around EOF
@pello The problem with source-routing jokes is that there is always a chance to rebrand the implementation at each IP version release
@wesmorgan1 I always get jittery when making jokes in real time.
@mkhl: The best thing about singleton jokes is the worst thing about singleton jokes.
@smurfix The best thing about Appletalk is that nobody is using it any more.
@ypiypi When you laugh to an Apple joke, you need to laugh the same way as million people.
@wesmorgan1 I saw your POST, but could only respond with OK - I guess I didn’t GET it.
@stevejacobs: The worst thing about NP complete jokes is that there is no good way to tell them…
@FlohEinstein I don’t care if you get the UDP joke or not. I don’t even know.
@FlohEinstein There are no good DH jokes because nobody agrees on the same prime
@awagner73 it may take awhile,…………when telling a java joke. but then everybody is catching a laugh-attack. wtihout exceptions.
@JohnBumgarner The problem with a cryptography joke is that you need to tell a pair of them before anyone understand what’s being said.
@drwhax The good thing about #tor and their unions is that’s like a virtual machine in a virtual machine, it will be slow.. inception!
@mitchblevins: I had an Ethernet joke, but somebody else told it at the same time. So I exponentially backed off and tried again.
@plasticje The great thing about NFSv3 jokes is that anyone can join the laughter.
@FlohEinstein The strange thing about BGP jokes is that they’re borderline funny but everybody repeats them anyway
@hibri Only Alice and Bob get public/private key jokes
@uebelhacker after an #IPv6 joke I cannot remember how it started
@hibri didn’t we run out of IPv4 jokes?
@uebelhacker finding a #heartbeat joke is like splitting #brains
@mramsmeets I tweeted several IPX/SPX jokes, but they cant reach the Internet
@n8grabb I’d dropped my SLIP for a quick
@preed The bad thing about #WWDC jokes is there’s always one more thing…
@tv: The great thing about Teredo jokes is that you can tell smart jokes even when surrounded by dumb peers.
@andywarfield T he bes thin gabou tTCPfl owcontr oljokesi sthatthey knowwhento backo ff….
@sgoguen {1,Two guys}{2,Hear about}{1,are talking}{2,the dope}{1,in}{2,who confused}{1.full-duplex,}{2,TDM with full-duplex?}
@jbxf LAN jokes can only be told properly if you tell an STP joke first.
@jbxf A token walks into a bar. Another token can’t walk into the bar because it’s afraid of the dog.
@jbxf It’s very comforting to know there’s at least one #protolol joke about coffee.
@andywarfield The best thing about SPDY jokes is that many people get them (whether they want to or not.)
@jbxf The more #protolol jokes, the worse the protocol. Very intuitive.
@jbxf A webserver may tell you her joke, but only if you tell her where you’re from and give her a cookie.
@wesmorgan1 UDP jokes don’t always get a laugh - unreliable material, don’t you know….
@iddux Postgres finds foreign jokes offensive. Not so for MySQL
@iddux awk jokes work best as one-liners
@mjambon Blocking this SSH joke because IT IS POSSIBLE THAT SOMEONE IS DOING SOMETHING NASTY!
@iddux C joke run.
@iddux No SOAP, radio.
@iddux XML jokes are well-formed
@iddux C# jokes are dull.
@dildog thankfully, Twitter journaled the entire #protolol conversation and now we can revert the transaction without committing it.
@0xabad1dea Yeah, we really need some sort of control message for when the #protolol feed gets congested… a protocol…
@van_Elden EIB-jokes as well as sans-papiers only imprint once they’re registered.
@xthread Dude, #protolol got an entire CDC longword out of control..
@sambowne I made a great Digg joke last month but nobody saw it yet
@DirekteAktion: If you dont GET the TCP/IP #protolol, you never know if its because of the server or the proxy
@dfreamon gur orfg guvat nobhg EBG13 wbxrf vf, rirelbar unf gb qvt hc gurve 20 lrne byq pbairegref
@wesmorgan1 I have a great collection of Ada jokes, but it would take too long to compile them into a book…
@jhitchco: The four hard things in CS are cache invalidation, naming, and off-by-one errors.
@neverping I can’t tell a real good “C” joke because i don’t have Class.
@neverping The worst thing about i18n jokes is assuring everyone can understand it.
@rsnbrgr @attritionorg Use the #ETIMEDOUT hashtag. Any tweets you missed will get resent.
@WhyIsThisOpen Traffic shaping: All packets are equal, but some are more equal than others.
@j0sema http://protolol.com/nice.thing.about.REST.jokes.is.they.fit.in.a.URL
@hesalas00 If you don’t GET it, you’re not http’ing hard enough!
@deinspanjer Don’t want anyone to know you’re wasting time reading #protolol? Just set DNT=1 and I promise not to tell.
@nuddlegg the bad thing about WEP jokes is that they all stink, so better don’t sniff them.
@salad_dodger The problem with SecureID jokes is that everyone already knows your punch line!
@nuddlegg the bad thing about bean sprout jokes is you never know where thEHEC they came from
@zoonlogonechon A joke about IEEE 802.15.5 is pointless if you tell it right.
@schnitzelbecker I hope that there is no copyright on p2p jokes
@nuddlegg the worst thing about #protolol jokes is that it creaps into your head and everything is checked for protolollability
@alexlehm the good thing about online privacy jokes is that you never have to admin your told one
@alexlehm the fun thing about wikipedia jokes is that everybody can change the ending
@nuddlegg #solr jokes have too many facets for a proper punchline
@iddux: The problem with Perl jokes is that you have to read them 10 times before you get them
@0×52_de The sad thing about german #Wikipedia is… deleted for not being relevant.
@nuddlegg irc jokes are skype jokes told discontinuously are all wiretapped
@S4l2 Scheme jokes are :)))
@fa2gato is that the compiler may change the order. The best thing about FORTRAN jokes @protolol
@pocketAustria the good thing about #P2P jokes is that you only need to tell them once
@kedmanee You have to tell a broadcast joke to everybody to find the one who see the fun on it
@nuddlegg and electric heat jokes are a waste of energy
@nuddlegg get new midi jokes telling them to the wrong group
@sh0bhit105 After dropping the packet the IP said it was my best effort..
@protolol “RFC1918 jokes are inside jokes” http://goo.gl/aWouS
@benn01 #protolol This joke has been lost in the iCloud
@tister Yeah, I know you wanna hear my 401 joke, but I’m not telling it unless you provide me proper authorization.
@tister Sorry, but not allowed to tell you my 403 joke. So stop asking!
@tister Telling alot of bluetooth jokes will reduce the bandwidth of your wifi jokes.
@svindlerdk All the 301 jokes have moved permanently
@tister CRC jokes tend to get repeated until you get them right.
@nuddlegg: the problem with git jokes is that even branches could cause serious injuries reading them aloud
@Venty The best thing about distributed joking is that everybody can participate! joke@home
@Venty The worst thing about PS3 game jokes is that the punchline comes as a separate Downloadable Content.
@Venty #protolol The problem with filesize limit jokes is
@Venty Serial jokes must be told bit by bit.
@nuddlegg broadcast your own arp jokes, mine are only funny within the same collision domain
@Trisk3t I don’t always use TCPIP, but when I do it’s a protocol that no one else uses
@twiterfroeschli The good thing about NoSQL jokes is, they scale well for larger audiences.
@skskilL The problem with java jokes is, people always tell them so slowly
@chiefmillso The problem with IPV6 jokes is they’re long, obscure and no one gets them without a translation.
@skskilL The best thing about iOS jokes is, that with v4 you can listen to more than one of them
@eqdw The great thing about rails jokes is that @dhh will force you to laugh at them
@csatl I could tell you some IPX jokes but they are all topical and based on events from the early 90’s
@eqdw I heard a funny #protolol joke on Reddit yesterday. Guess I’ll see it tomorrow on Digg
@iggdawg I know a great IPv6 joke, but I just don’t think you’re ready for it.
@iggdawg Why are ASAs so noisy? They don’t know how to ssh.
@Nomulous What sucks about HTTP jokes is that if you start telling one and it goes badly, you can’t modify the header to make it a 404.
@Nomulous What’s more, HTTP jokes are rarely better than OK.
@KippiHax I was promised a three way and all I got was a TCP handshake.
@chknofthescene The halting problem with jokes is ……………………….. …
@unp0ssible Three funny things about IRC: lol, rofl & lmao


Internet-Protokol-Witze

Eine nicht ganz ernst gemeinte Twitter-Meldung von Aza Raskin (@azaazz) hat am vergangenen Wochenende ein kleine Welle von Witzen über Netzwerk-Protokolle verursacht. Auf die ursprüngliche Nachricht von Aza Raskin “The great thing about TCP jokes is that you always get them.” antworteten unter dem Hash-Tag #protolol mittlerweile zahlreiche andere Twitter-Nutzer mit Abwandlungen wie diesen hier:
@mckeay […]

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Ebay-Trottel

Wer ist eigentlich der Trottel? Der Anbieter oder der Käufer von diesem IKEA-Gutschein?

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Internet-Download

Heute laden wir das ganze Internet auf den heimischen Rechner:

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ASCII-Kunst

Wem mal langweilig ist, der kann sich ja ein ASCII-Filmen rein ziehen.
Einfach im DOS-Fenster eine der folgenden Zeilen eingeben:
telnet gw.boston.ru
telnet towel.blinkenlights.nl
Der Erstere ist zwar nur kurz, dafür kann der Zweite für entsprechende Entschädigung sorgen:
Ein ganzer Star-Wars-Film.

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Ich bin dann mal offline

Schon vor dem Frühstück checkt er Mails, nach Mitternacht surft er noch schnell bei StudiVZ: Marc Röhlig ist Internet-Junkie. Jetzt hat der 22-Jährige für eine Woche den Stecker gezogen - und entdeckt, dass es auch Radio, Schneckenpost und die Auskunft gibt. Ein Erfahrungsbericht.
Es gibt eine Folge der Fernsehserie “Die Simpsons”, in der Sideshow-Bob droht, Springfield […]

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Internet-Download

Der Sohn zum Papa:
“Mit der neuen DSL-Leitung kann man das ganze Internet runterladen…”

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Frauen sind wie Webserver…

400 Bad Request
Frage ohne Blumenstrauss

401 Unauthorized
verheiratet

402 Payment Required
Abendessen bei Kerzenschein

403 Forbidden
Finger wech da!

404 Not Found
heute Abend mit Freundinnen unterwegs

405 Method Not Allowed
Neee, von hinten is’ nicht…

406 Method Not Acceptable
….blasen noch weniger!

407 Proxy Auth. Required
muss Mutter fragen

408 Request Timeout
Weisst Du, wie lange Du nicht mehr angerufen hast?

409 Conflict
Wer war die da?

410 Document Removed
will Scheidung

412 Precondition Failed
Wie, […]

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Wer routet so spät durch Nacht und Wind?

Frei nach Johann Wolfgang von Goethe:
Der Erlkönig (EDV-Version, Verfasser unbekannt)
Wer routet so spät durch Nacht und Wind?
Es ist der Router, er routet geschwind!
Bald routet er hier, bald routet er dort
Jedoch die Pakete, sie kommen nicht fort.
Sie sammeln und drängeln sich, warten recht lange
in einer zu niedrig priorisierten Schlange.
Die Schlangen sind voll, der Router im Stress,
da […]

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Wechseln einer Glühbirne…

Wie viele Forenmitglieder braucht man zum Wechseln, einer Glühbirne?

Einen der die Glühbirne auswechselt und im Off-Topic postet, dass sie ausgewechselt wurde.
14 die ähnliche Erfahrungen gemacht haben und vorschlagen, wie man die Birne anders hätte wechseln können.
7 die auf Gefahren beim Wechseln hinweisen
3 die fragen, wozu der Threadstarter überhaupt eine Glühbirne braucht
5 die der Regierung die […]

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The secret of Monkey Island

Wer noch einen C64 oder Schneider Computer hatte, der kennt vielleicht auch noch das Adventure-Spiel “Monkey Island”. Es wurde zwar später auch noch für den PC veröffentlicht, aber der pixelige Charme war nicht mehr vorhanden.
Wer sich einmal an die Geschichte und auch die Lösung des Spiels zurück erinnern möchte sollte sich folgenden Flash-Film ansehen:
Monkey Island […]

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Witzige Links

Kleine Sammlung witziger Internet-Seiten:

Stupidedia
Wissen Sie bescheid? Nein? Wir auch nicht.

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